Prison Program Learnings - Part 1

I learnt a lot from running a 16 week personal development program with a group of men in the prison community. Regardless of your field, I hope you can find some nuggets to unlock potential in your circles. Part 1: 👨 Personalities / 🧙♂️ Mentors / ♡ Care / 🗣️ Inclusiveness

“I’d no choice. It was a matter of survival”

Personalities: A wide range of characters put a unique stamp on the workshops. Some sat back, monitoring things intently. Some were fidgety, at times a distraction. The banter connoisseurs electrified the room with their wit. One man with a fighter’s frame spoke with childlike innocence. Another man was bullish, cutting others off mid-sentence, many times frustrating them.

Week by week, we peeled back the layers, wading into conversations about their early lives. Lads exchanged stories about childhood adversity, family dynamics, their communities, role models, and lack thereof. A pattern started to emerge.

1. Various adverse childhood experiences shaped their core beliefs - 'I am not enough, nobody cares, people will hurt me, the world is unsafe'.
2. To survive, they needed to adapt to their environment. Like adding layers of protective armor, they dialed up and down parts of their personalities. “I'd no choice. It was a matter of survival.”
3. What started as a state in early life, became a trait in adult life. The protective layers remained, becoming known as the ‘hard man, loud guy, joker, angry fella, sensitive one, the yes man, mad thing, domineering one, man of few words'.

“The dots are connecting”, one man said.

Lesson for Teams

The above process is a universal one. Groups are a melting pot of individuals who’ve traveled different paths of varying adversity. It can be easy to label others (and ohh I’ve been there), ‘a pr&ck, b%tch, boring, overpowering, dry, erratic, annoying, ignorant’, etc. Perhaps these judgments are valid in a moment. But if we scratch beneath the surface, we’d find a scared, anxious, angry, or hurt child, who is trying their best to stay survive - in the way they learned how.

Emotional intelligence skills like self-awareness, group-awareness, empathy are the cornerstone of healthy, inclusive, high-performing teams. Equipping oneself with such skills can pave the way for more meaningful collaboration with a broader range of personalities.

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"You can be locked up physically, but free in the mind”

Mentors: In the first few engagements, it became clear that John was highly respected. When he spoke, people listened. When others spoke, they glanced in his direction for approval. He is serving ‘hard time’, and for the past 7 years has managed to turn his life around. He eats up books on Buddhism, philosophy, and recovery. He undergoes extensive therapy, is obsessed with yoga, and stretches for 4 hours a day.

I was keen for others to glean as much as possible from him, so one day I put him in the spotlight. Like a true mentor, he was generous with his wisdom. He detailed his uphill battles and his attempts to soothe his pain - "I was either fighting dragons or chasing dragons". He discussed hitting “rock bottom”, and his subsequent road to recovery. He said his teenage kids inspire him to "stay straight", avoid conflict on the landing, and be a better man. Happiness is an "inside job", he said. "You can be locked up physically, but free in the mind”. The group was glued to his every word. ‘A f&ckin inspiration’, one fella said. Others nodded. He signed off with, “7 years ago, someone showed me the way. Now you can be that person for others.”

Lesson for Teams

There is a ‘John’ in every team, the person who has been on a journey, now willing to pass their gold onto others. Mentors offer immeasurable benefits. They show a compelling pathway for mentees. They build a healthy role-modeling culture. They embody a team’s aspirational culture. Research shows that having a mentor in teams, elevates job satisfaction, engagement, and retention.

But exposure is key. Mentors need a platform to shine their light. I recommend that teams put a structure around this, via induction period meetings, mentorship programs, and quarterly interviews with torchbearers of team values. Who is this person on your team?

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‘You don’t f%cking care do you?’

Care: Day one, I was nervous about how my approach would be received. When the lads were seated, I kicked off with the usual, ‘Hi, I’m Ronan, this is who I am, what I do’. Midsentence, a man interjected, “ah you don’t f%cking care do you? You’ll be gone again in no time, just like everyone else!” Silence. I asked myself, ‘do I really care?’ I believe I do, so I told him as much. He nodded back at me, but I knew by his expression that he was unconvinced. I’d have to show him today, next week, and until the program ended.

Week by week, our relationship built slowly. After session 9, the man asked me ‘for a minute’ before returning to his cell. “I’m after writing down my life story. I’m wondering if you'd have a read of it, to see if it's ok?” With approval from the powers that be, I agreed. Whilst in bed with COVID I read his 160-page autobiography. Two weeks later as others were filtering back to the landing, he shuffled up next to me, “so did you read it?” “Yes I did.” He fist pumped me with a “yesss boy - I appreciate that bud!”

By this time, I believe he knew I cared (which was heartening and sad, if that makes sense). He taught me something important. Care is more than mere words, but a continuous demonstration.

Lesson for Teams

When an organisation cares for its people, people care for the organisation. Research tells us that when people feel cared for, they work harder, have higher job satisfaction, and are more engaged. Management will experience less absenteeism, staff turnover, and a higher bottom line.

How do we show we care? Salary is one way yes, but care is largely shown by emotional availability. ‘Small things’ like turning to greet someone, using their name, eye contact, taking an interest in their lives, offering help, or referencing details from prior conversations. All signaling - ‘I see you. You matter. I care.’

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“We need to hear from ya!”

Inclusiveness: Eddie was an older gentleman, who came from a “completely different world” to the rest. A wise owl, who’d seldom uttered a word unless asked. I often wondered what crossed his mind. One day I got curious about his silence. Almost apologetically he said, “honestly, these lads have had very different lives to me. I’ve had a lovely life thank god. My auld story pales in comparison to theirs.”

Before I had the chance to respond, one man piped up. ‘Listen Eddie, I hear ya. But when you stay silent, it robs us of your positivity. When you speak, you give us hope. It shows us the lovely life we can have when we get out. We need to hear from you!’.

From that point on, something clicked with Eddie. He was more curious. He seemed more relaxed. He spoke unprompted. The lads gained a lot from hearing how he serves his time, family visits, and his future goals. The turning point was that Eddie understood that his contributions were valuable and welcome. He had permission.

Lesson for Teams

Every group is a deep ocean of knowledge, wisdom, and experiences. Imposter syndrome (‘I’m too young, too new, too uneducated’), lack of confidence, and lack of psychological safety can turn this ocean into a puddle. Many people need explicit permission to bring their voice, regardless of their background, expertise, or skillset. Management can reinforce this sentiment in team gatherings, quarterly meetings, or one-to-one reviews.

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